here we are again. fall. leaves. cornstalks. gourds. looking inside a pumpkin today i thought of my own insides. about how everything works. the plumbing. the bones. the muscles. the constant ebbing and flowing. the machines that we are. amazing. crazy, really. how does it all work? my body is feeling better. it's been a weird few months. damn scary at times. doc says i'm fine. couldn't find anything wrong. even though it felt wild inside. never felt so ill before. and such weird constant pain. a wake up call if ever i needed one. the body is alive. it's easy to forget. i won't take it for granted ever again. i breathe deeply and heavily every day now. i pay attention. better than before. we forget how to breathe you know. we do. 
it doesn't come easy. it takes time to get to know yourself. to really
remember to pay attention. constantly. but without being nuts
about it. with breathing comes stretching. and exercising. moving.
and a real food plan. nothing artificial. if i can help it. if i have any say so.
not that i've been bad about my intake. but i certainly could be better.
reading about health. the body. prevention. and science fiction. about
global warming. war. and magic. i frequent the ocean daily. i just got
back moments ago. the air is better there. it clears me. reloads my
mind with ideas and restores hope i thought i had lost. i'm going to
a field recording training later. learning to harvest sound. capture
some noise. bought paint the other day. i never paint. thought i'd try.
llbean training is over. i have more time again. waiting to pick up
shifts. watching '30 rock'. so funny. tina fey is my gal.
saw 'feast of love' yesterday. completely fell into pdx watching it.
almost forgot about the characters from time to time. kept getting
distracted by the many places and streets and parks. it was like a
dream, in a way. i was the only person in the theater watching it.
like being in a memory chamber. i even saw two people i know who
got cast as extras. the softball scene and the wedding scene. erin and
tobias. so weird. morgan freeman is simply amazing. couldn't take my
eyes off him when he was on the screen. to see him in the fresh pot too.
what a trip. went to bed later and dreamt of oregon. of all the places
i know so well and have not seen in so long. i miss you all, you who
are there. my heart beats for you. fall is here again. it rattles my
reminiscing heart in weird ways. sigh. it's time to go outside and walk.
need to clear my head. again. don't know what to say here. usually
never do. more thoughts as they come to me. soon.
